Picking up the Pieces
by LieutenantjgMegAustin
Summary: Harm, Mac and AJ must help a newly returned Lt jg Austin readjust to life at JAG, and recover her memory of the between her leaving JAG and the tragedy that caused her memory loss.
1. Default Chapter

**Picking up the Pieces **

**Chapter One**

As the planes hit the towers, and debris fell all around the surrounding area, Meg Austin watched. She was supposed to be on one of those planes, with her mum and brother. Just minutes before, they'd called on their cell phones to tell her that they loved her and would always be with her. Then they hit and Meg burst into tears as debris from the plane and buildings flew everywhere. A large piece of metal flew at Meg and knocked her to the ground, unconscious. More came flying and eventually pinned her to the ground, a pole impaling her. She became semi-conscious and saw the pole and other metal pinning her to the ground. The sight of her own blood pooling around her made her vomit then pass out again.

'She's in and out of consciousness...' Meg heard as she was taken into hospital. She was barely awake. _Just give up,_ she thought, _give up and rejoin your family. _She lapsed into a coma then and was hurried off to surgery. She was operated on urgently, but lost too much blood and was hooked up to life support. The doctors didn't think she'd survive the night.

_JAG HQ_

'Rabb,' Harm said as he answered his phone. He listened as the doctor at Bethesda told him what had happened the day before.

'She's...I mean she isn't...dead is she?' Harm asked, breathing in sharply. He hadn't seen Meg since 1996 – he had thought about her since then, and worried but never thought this would happen. He listened for a bit longer.

'Coma...she's comatose....what can I do?'

'She has no next of kin. Her father died twenty-four, almost twenty-five years ago I believe and her brother and mother were on one of the planes...'

'What was she doing there?'

'I don't know sir, but I went over her old records, found your name – she listed you as contact here in Washington.'

The doctor didn't sound hopeful for her, Harm thought.

'I'll be there,' He said and hung up. He sat in silence, thinking. He remembered the last time she had been in a coma and everything they'd been through together. But the clearest memory was his first meeting with her with Commander Lindsey on their way to the USS Tigershark. She had always had a sweet, innocent look, compared to Mac's no nonsense, straight to the facts, cut-the-bull look. Harm looked over to a picture frame. It was of him and Meg in Iraq trying to gain freedom for Corporal Anderson after he had crossed a border.

'Penny for your thoughts Harm?' Mac said from the door. She could read him like an open book.

'What? Oh it's nothing...'

'Harm, something's bothering you.' Mac said, coming in and sitting down.

'I have to see the Admiral,'

'Harm,' Mac's voice was gentle.

'Can we talk later? This is important.'

Mac looked at her friend. 'Of course Harm,'

'Admiral, I just got a call from Bethesda...' Harm started but faltered. Would AJ even remember Meg?

'Rabb, if it's about Lieutenant j.g. Austin, they called me too. Go, see her. Say whatever you need to say. I know she is in a coma but if anyone can bring her out you can.'

Harm smiled weakly. 'Thank you sir,'

'Tell the Colonel Harm,'

'Later,'

_Bethesda Naval Hospital_

Harm sat by Meg. She looked frail and small and had stitches on her face, a bandage around her head and bandages and stitches everywhere else. Her hand rested lightly on her stomach, her arm in a sling. She was pale, and a machine was helping her breathe. Harm listened to the steady bip, bip, bip of the heart monitor.

'Meg, please don't leave me. Wake up; tell me why you were in New York, why you were at the towers so early. back to JAG. I miss you.' Harm said to her still form. Mac stood in the doorway. AJ had asked her to follow Harm, make sure he was okay. Harm looked up for a moment, to blot out the bandages, stitches, bruises and cuts on Meg and saw her.

'Mac...'

'The Admiral asked me to come...told me about her, about the two of you...filled me in basically.'

'Mac, what if she doesn't wake up?'

'She will, the Admiral said she was a fighter.' Mac sat beside him, and pulled his hand from Meg's arm.

'She looks so broken Mac. Look, even her eyes are bruised.'

Mac put her arm around him.

'It's okay,'

'No it isn't. We've both just recovered from our relationships breaking up and my accident...Mac...'

'Were you in love with her?'

'I think I was, and I think I still am,' Harm wouldn't let Mac take him out of the room, even when the doctor came in to check her IV.

'Mac, she lost so much blood...'

'She'll live Harm. Hey, why don't we go down and get something to drink?'

'I'll meet you down there,'

'Okay,'

Harm brushed Meg's face lightly.

'Meg, please, come on. Don't give up! I love you!' Harm said before leaving the room.

_JAG HQ_

AJ entered Harm's office.

'How is she?'

'She looks awful...she looks dead.'

'Son, she is only in a coma. And Meg's strong, she's a fighter. She'll come out of it, she always survives these things. Hell, I seem to recall her saving your life a few times,'

'Yeah...' Harm replied shortly.

'Harm, Mac said...I mean...did you love her?'

'Yes, I did.'

'Do you still love her?'

'I think so,' Harm replied.

'Did you tell her that while you were there?'

'Yes,'

'She'll live...I'm sure she will.'

'And if she doesn't? Admiral, she has no family left...'

'This is why she needs you, me and Mac...'

'She won't like Mac sir,'

'How do you know?'

'I just know Meg; she had it rough as an undercover marine recruit – tougher than the rest.'

AJ crossed his arms thoughtfully. 'I know, I read the reports.'

'Sir, if anything happens to her...'

'It won't.'

_Bethesda Naval Hospital, Three months later_

Harm again sat beside Meg. She still wasn't awake, but was breathing alone, had been for the past twenty-four hours.

'Meg, please...' Harm begged her. Some of her injuries were better, most of the scratches and bruises, and her arm were fine, but her head and stomach, where she had been impaled weren't.

'Harm...' he heard her say dryly. Her eyes were still closed, her skin still pallid against the stark whiteness of the hospital room. Harm gripped her hand and watched as her eyes opened slowly.

'Ow!' She cried, pulling her hand back and touching her stomach.

'Meg, are you okay?' Harm asked her.

'Harm...' she said, still staring up at the ceiling. Harm gently turned her head and she smiled weakly at him.

'Hey,' he said as he lifted a glass of water to her mouth gently. 'How're you feeling?'

'Sore...I got impaled by a pole,' Meg cringed. The stitches still hurt. 'And something hit my head – I was bleeding from so many places Harm,'

'You're okay now, I'm here.' He replied gently. She started crying softly, tears streaming down her face, her cries barely audible.

'Hey, what's wrong?'

'I have no family left,' Meg replied as Harm wiped her tears away.

'Shhh, I'm your family now Meg. I'll take care of you...' He promised her. He looked up as AJ and Mac came in.

'Hey Lieutenant, haven't seen you for a while,'

'Admiral Chegwidden...'

'This is Colonel MacKenzie...' Harm began.

'A Marine?' Meg asked warily.

'Yes I'm a Marine Meg but I'm a lawyer as well. I won't hurt you; I'm not a jarhead like some Marines are.' Mac said gently.

'She lives up to the Marine reputation when needed though,' Harm added, stroking Meg's face.

'Harm...I don't remember what happened after our last JAG investigation. The past four, five years are a blank.'

Harm put his arm around Meg, a concerned look on his face while AJ went to get a doctor.

'Meg, please tell me you are joking,' Harm said. Meg just looked at him, her eyes serious.

'Meg...what do you think happened?'

'I don't know...am I still at JAG?'

'No, Colonel MacKenzie has been at JAG since...well a few weeks after...'

Mac silenced him. 'Not now Harm,'

AJ came back with a doctor then.

'She was oxygen deprived for several hours...some brain cells were killed, but there is no permanent damage.'

'No permanent damage? She can't remember anything from the past four years, five years!'

Meg cringed as Harm yelled. Her head was sore still and everything he was saying was echoing loudly in her mind. She buried her head in the pillows to escape the noise.

'Meg?' Harm asked.

'Stop talking loudly!' Meg mumbled. 'My head hurts.'

Harm touched her lightly.

'We'll go...'

'No, stay Harm.' Meg said. 'Stay,'

Harm sat beside her. 'Meg, I...'

'Rabb, she asked you to stay.' AJ put in.

'But my duties sir,'

'Isn't Meg important?'

'Admiral, I do have a job...'

'And a responsibility to your friend! She needs you,'

Harm looked to Meg, now crying into the pillow.

'She's scared Harm.' Mac said to him. 'She's lost her memory; she needs you to help her.'

Harm looked at them all. AJ and Mac rolled their eyes at him.

'All right, I'll stay...it just hurts me to see her like this.' Harm pulled her into his arms and dried her tears as AJ and Mac left.

'It's okay Meg, I'm here now. Everything is going to be okay.'

'No it isn't, Harm. I have no memory of the past four, five years and I have no family left...'

'What the hell were you doing there so early anyway?' Harm asked her. Meg let him put the bed into a sitting position so she could see him while talking.

'I was meant to be on the plane with my mom and brother...I cancelled at the last minute, said I still had things to do. They were flying out of Boston – I drove, and said I'd meet them at our destination the next day.'

'So, why were you at the towers?'

'Sight-seeing, I think...'

'Meg, you're still in the Navy.'

'I was on leave,' Meg's eyes filled with tears again. She was not only in physical pain but emotional pain. Harm put his arm around her and wiped her tears away.

'I'll never...'

'You'll remember – you will get better. The Admiral wants you back at JAG, as I do.' Harm said to her.

'But...'

'Meg, it's all getting sorted as we speak – the Admiral will bring the transfer papers for you to sign soon. And you'll be starting at JAG after Christmas most likely.'

Meg looked at him, confused. Transfer papers? What was Harm on about? She hadn't gone anywhere. Harm caught her look then blushed.

'Sorry Meg! I...you know me!' Harm replied, trying to joke weakly. Meg smiled anyway.

'Did I break anything?'

'Your arm was pretty badly broken,'

'Oh, that's why it feels so stiff,' Meg said. Harm smiled his fly-boy smile at her.

'You'll be fine. The doctor showed me some exercises for you, and asked me to help,' Harm said as he slowly moved her arm in and out to relax her muscles.

'Ow!'

'That hurt?' Harm asked after several flexes. Meg nodded and he let her arm flop beside her.

'Meg?' Harm asked as she closed her eyes, her hand over her stomach.

'I'm fine...a little tired.'

'We've tired you out. I'll go...' He kissed her on the forehead and left her sleeping.

_JAG HQ_

'Harm, how is she doing?' Mac came up to him as he got back to JAG.

'She's fine, a little tired. I left her sleeping,' Harm said as he entered his office.

'Harm,' Sturgis came up to him. 'Where have you been?'

'I was at Bethesda,'

'That little lieutenant j.g. still there?' Sturgis' tone was harsh.

'Yes Meg is still there, she just woke up.' Harm said irritably.

'You know Harm; you've been going to see her everyday for the past three months,'

Mac intervened.

'Yes he has because she is his friend, Sturgis. And he cares about her because she lost her father when she was four years old, the rest of her family died in 9/11. So don't get all snappy at him for not being here.' Mac defended Harm's actions very quickly.

'Mac,' Sturgis began as Harm disappeared into his office.

'Sturgis, I wouldn't even go there. She's hurt physically, and emotionally. The past four, five years are a blank to her. So when you see her do not under any circumstances say anything to her that might confuse her even more.'

'You've only met her once and you're already becoming protective.'

Mac scowled at him and went to her office, leaving Sturgis alone.

'No one said I couldn't go see her,' he thought to himself.

_Bethesda Naval Hospital_

Sturgis walked into Meg's room. She was awake but not doing much.

'Who are you?' she asked him as he came in.

'Commander Sturgis Turner JAG Corps. Lieutenant, if you take up anymore of Commander Rabb's time then...' He stopped mid-sentence as AJ came in.

'Turner, leave now please. I need to speak with Lieutenant j.g. Austin.'

Sturgis left and AJ sat beside Meg.

'Meg, I really would like it if you came back to JAG,'

'Sir, I never left,'

AJ smiled.

'Meg, about your memory...'

'What happened to me the past five years sir?'

'As far as I knew, you transferred out of JAG,'

'Oh,' Meg's voice was small and confused.

'Look, you'll remember stuff gradually. Give it time,' AJ said gently to her.

'When do I go home?' Meg asked him. AJ looked at her carefully.

'I don't know Meg...Soon hopefully. Harm will help you,'

A doctor came in then and scowled at AJ.

'Are you a relative?'

'She has no family,' AJ said 'I'm Admiral Chegwidden. I'd like to finish talking with her – I need her to sign something.'

'She is not capable of that,'

'Yes I am,' Meg argued. Her head still hurt like hell but she felt alert enough to be able to sign her name.

'Lieutenant, you may not be able to comprehend...' The doctor droned on and Meg zoned out as AJ gave her the transfer papers, and explained everything to her carefully as they went through and she signed.

'Right, I will see you in the office after Christmas, if not before,' AJ said as he left.

_Three days later_

Harm settled Meg in with him, while organising for her to move into an apartment down the hall. He contacted her former landlord and had all her furniture and stuff moved into the apartment.

'Meg, you'll be staying with me for a week or so until everything is sorted,' Harm said to her.

'I understand. I cannot wait to lie in my own bed,' she said as he put his arm around her, leading her into his apartment. She curled up on the couch, putting her head on a cushion. The bandage had come off her head just before they left, and the stitches were to come out next week. Harm sat beside her and pulled her into him so her head was against his chest. He ran his hand through her hair gently, calming her when she began to panic.

'It's okay; you'll be fine at JAG.' He said to her as she told him she was nervous, about Commander Turner's visit and everything else.

'Mac's not being intimidating is she?'

Meg shook her head. 'That Commander Turner started reprimanding me because you were with me all the time,'

Harm tightened his grip around her. 'If he threatens you...'

'I can fight my own battles,' Meg said sleepily. She fell asleep in his arms and Harm hated to move her, but had to when there was a knock at the door.

'Hey Mac,' Harm whispered as Mac entered and saw Meg on the couch.

'She looks better,'

'I think she feels better,' Harm said. 'Is this a social call?'

Mac laughed. 'Yes flyboy it is, and I was hoping to catch Meg. She's...'

'I know, give her time, Mac.'

Mac looked from Harm to Meg. 'I know Harm,'

'Mac,' Harm said as she went to leave.

'Harm, you need to be alone with her,' Mac said.

'No, Mac. Stay, please.'

'Why?'

Harm faltered. He was stuck between his feelings for Meg, and those he had for Mac. He couldn't work out which girl he loved more – was it shy, innocent, sweet-tempered Meg, or headstrong, takes-no-crap Mac? Mac saw the look in his eyes.

'You love her, don't you?'

'Yes...No...I'm not sure...' Harm said. Meg was still asleep but shivering.

'I'll go make the coffee Mac,'

'Okay,' Mac went over to Meg, and covered her with the blanket Harm had put out earlier. She stirred and woke up.

'Colonel,'

'Hey Meg, how are you feeling?'

'Sore,' Meg replied, sitting up slightly. Mac smiled kindly at her, and Meg returned the smile, but her face soon fell and tears welled up in her eyes.

'Meg, what's wrong?' Mac asked her. She waited for a while, as the tears fell silently down Meg's pale face, but didn't need an answer to know Meg was traumatised, and depressed at what she had been through, at losing her family. Mac put her arms around Meg, rubbing her back.

'Its okay, Meg. You're safe, its okay.' Mac said as Harm came through with the coffee.

'I see you two are getting along,' He said gently, setting the mugs down.

'Is one of those for me?' Meg asked, lifting her tear-stained face from Mac's shoulder.

'No, Meg, the doctor said you need your rest. I'll get you some tea,'

'I don't want that,'

'Meg, you haven't eaten since we got home, you must keep your strength up.' Harm said to her pleadingly. 'Come, I'll get you some tea okay?'

'Okay, not too much, though. I feel sick,' Meg replied as she put her head against Mac. Mac looked down at Meg as she closed her eyes briefly.

'You should eat something,' Mac said to her gently, stroking her hair.

'Mmm I know, not now,' Meg replied lazily. She sat up slowly as Harm re-entered with her drink.

'Feeling okay Meg?' He asked.

'Yeah, I guess...' Meg replied, her head on his shoulder. Harm hugged her as she fell asleep.

'You'll be okay,'

_Christmas 2001_

'This year my sermon will be about the events of three months ago in New York. This tragedy affected us all, and many people lost loved ones...' Chaplain Turner said at Christmas Mass. Meg bent her head onto Harm's shoulder and the unshed tears began falling. Harm hugged her. AJ had been right. She was only letting him, Mac and Harm near her – everyone else was a no-go.

'When I heard that the planes hit the towers, I, like many others, prayed to God that there would be survivors – and there were. But it was at a cost. A cost that I don't understand. Religion is not meant to be violent, or vengeful. It is meant to be a way of life, and a system of beliefs that are, unfortunately being blown completely out of proportion by some extremists, and not just Islamic extremists.

'Christmas is a time when we need to band together, especially this Christmas. When I look out at the congregation before me, I still see the shock, the pain and the grief of 9/11. I see the hatred of the Al-Qaeda terrorists. But we shouldn't hate the whole religion of Islam for the crimes carried out by the terrorist group. Christmas is a time to spend with those we love. For those affected by this year's tragedy, may you find peace this season, may God restore your faith in the world, and may your healing not take too long. Amen.'

Everyone stood and left then, Harm going to the Vietnam Memorial Wall as usual.

'Meg, come with me. Mac...'

'Harm, this is your thing,' Mac said to him. He gave her a pleading look.

'I want you two there,'

Mac put her arm around Meg's shoulders tightly, almost protectively.

'Harm,' Meg pulled away and went to him, ignoring her own pain of having no family around. He pulled her into a hug.

'I love you...' he said softly in her ear. Meg blushed as he said it, but her happiness dissipated immediately.

'You're only saying that because I have no one left in my life, no family.' Meg said to him. He shook his head.

'That's not true,'

'What about Colonel MacKenzie? What about your recent break up?'

'Meg, that was seven months ago,'

'Still, I'm not ready Harm. Physically and emotionally,' Meg said as he drew her into him, wrapping his jacket firmly around her.

'All right, I understand,'

'I don't think I'll ever be ready.' She said to herself as he held her, warming her up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Picking up the Pieces **

**Chapter Two**

'Meg, you're just not ready!' Harm said to her as she came to his door one morning, about a month later.

'Not ready for what Harm?'

'To go back to work...'

'You just cannot stand the thought of me being strong enough to make my own decisions, Harm.'

'Meg, that's not true.' Harm said gently as she winced after breathing in too sharply. 'You're still in pain,'

'Harm, my whole family has died, all before I've turned thirty. I've just turned twenty nine, and last night I had my car stolen. I've seen more grief and been through more pain than you have even though you had the Tomcat accident. You still have family...' She fell into his arms crying, the emotional pain still there.

'You may be ready physically, Meg, but you sure as hell haven't healed emotionally.' Harm held her tightly. His uniform was getting wet from her tears but he didn't care.

'Come, we'll go to work and see how you go,'

Lieutenant Singer stood in the door of Meg's office, tapping her foot impatiently.

'Can I help you, ma'am?' Meg asked her, not taking her eyes off the computer screen.

'I need you to photocopy something for me...um a report on 9/11 for my case...' Singer said evilly. She knew very well that the report she was going to give Meg contained details about the navy lieutenant involved, and knew very well that it was Meg.

'If you want it, Lieutenant Singer, you can do it yourself because I am doing some research for Colonel MacKenzie.'

Singer scowled. 'You will photocopy this for me ASAP, _Lieutenant._ Or I will...'

'Fine, okay? I'll do it!' Meg snatched the report from her irritably. She began reading it on her way to the photocopier. She stopped suddenly when she read a paragraph referring to a navy officer. _'...the female navy lieutenant was pinned and impaled...transported to Bethesda...comatose for three months...'_ tears welled up in Meg's eyes and AJ saw her making her way to the photocopy room. He followed her and grabbed her arm before she got in.

'Meg, what's...' his eyes left her face and fell to the report. He took it out her hands and skimmed the page she was on.

'Who gave this to you?'

'Lieutenant Singer said she needed me to...'

AJ stormed towards Singer angrily.

'You gave this to Lieutenant Austin?'

'Well I didn't know she would read it,' Singer answered innocently.

AJ scowled. 'She always reads things she is given to copy – it's just part of what makes her a great lawyer,'

'And what does that have to do with this?'

'You gave her this report, knowing she would read it, knowing she was the officer mentioned in here...'

Singer caught Meg's tear-stained face behind AJ.

'She's too sensitive,' Singer replied as Harm came over, wrapping her in his arms and listening to what had happened. He led her away calmly into his office.

'Meg, its okay,' he said, drying her eyes. 'Singer is a bitch,'

'No kidding,' Meg replied cynically. 'If it's not Lindsey breathing down my neck...'

Harm hugged her tightly, his chin resting on her head. He kissed the top of her head gently, and told himself how much he loved her.

'I can't tell you that,' he whispered to himself. 'I can't tell you I love you,'

'Yes you can,' Mac said from the door. She'd heard the yelling, the crying and had come to see what was going on. Harm gave Mac a look that clearly said _No, not right now I can't, _and held Meg tighter. Mac got the hint, he wanted to be alone to comfort her, and it would be Mac's turn later, once Meg stopped calling her 'Ma'am' or 'Colonel MacKenzie' all the time. Harm pulled Meg out of his hug and took in her tear-stained face, the recent bruise over her eyes where she had tripped at home and her thin frame, each day getting a little more flesh on it.

'Meg, let Mac in. She won't bite,' Harm said to Meg gently.

'She's a Marine, you know...'

'I know, but she is also a lawyer and a friend – she's sensitive Meg, although she hardly shows it. And you let her talk to you,'

'Harm, only when you're around...'

Harm lifted Meg's face again and kissed her. Meg pulled away in shock. She started shaking and eventually fell to the ground. Harm sat beside her.

'Meg...'

'Harm why...'

'I think you know,'

Meg smiled weakly. She knew, but she was scared of this.

'Harm, I don't want to get so attached to you, and then lose you,'

'You won't,' He hugged her, lifting her up easily. Meg relaxed in his arms.

'Can we go home? I feel sick,' Meg said shakily. She was pale and tired – dark rings were under her eyes and it was only 1730.

'All right, I'll go see the Admiral,'

While Harm was with AJ, Mac came into the office.

'Hey Meg,'

'Colonel MacKenzie...I...'

'It's okay Meg.' Mac said lightly. She'd seen the look on Harm's face. She knew he was dedicating himself to Meg.

'Ma'am, with all due respect...'

'Meg, he loves you, its no crime.'

'It is against regulations,'

Mac smiled kindly at Meg, who was looking flushed.

'Meg, are you okay?' Mac asked, frowning in concern. Meg shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

'Ready, Meg?' Harm asked her as he came back in.

'Yes,' Meg pulled her jacket around herself tightly and Harm put his arm around her.

'Harm,' Mac started.

'Not now Mac,' Harm said as Meg rested her head on his shoulder. He led her out, his arm around her keeping her steady. Mac watched mournfully as they left, trying to suppress her love for Harm, disappointment at her miscommunication with Meg and Harm's brush-offs.

'Mac, she's hurt, emotionally and physically. Harm's her best friend...' AJ said, coming up behind her.

'Admiral, he is clearly in love with her, she's...' Mac faltered. AJ looked at her.

'Is everything okay with the Lieutenant, Mac?' he asked her.

'Sir,'

'Mac, she's had a rough time and the Commander hasn't seen her for years.'

'She thinks she never left JAG!' Mac yelled.

'She is getting better Mac. Losing your memory takes its toll on you,'

Mac turned her back to him.

'Sir, I've tried okay? Since she woke up, I've been trying to be her friend; I've been understanding and sensitive...'

'I know Mac, don't take it personally – she's pushing everyone away at the moment, even me. She's clinging to Harm because they've been through more together.'

Mac scowled. 'Harm won't always be able to run to her side; she needs to open up more,'

'Give her time, let her heal Mac. She deserves that much from you - you need to give her space.'

Mac stormed out. It wasn't that she didn't like Meg; it was that Meg's current behaviour of clinging only to Harm was bugging her. Mac whirled around to face AJ.

'Sir, I just want to help her,'

'We all do, and she's been given a hard time by Singer, just...let her come to you in her own time.'

_Meg's apartment_

Harm wouldn't hear Meg's plaintive cries, begging him to let her help.

'You're sick, Meg, Let me do this for you.' He said as he placed some soup in front of her. She didn't mind being fussed over – it had been awhile and she needed it right now.

'This better not be one of your famous dishes,' Meg joked weakly. Harm smiled as he sat beside her and shook his head.

'Meg, you said something about Lindsey...'

Meg looked up at him from eating.

'Uh...wherever I transferred to he was there...that's all I'm getting right now,'

'It's something,' He said to her.

'Harm, you don't have to stay here – you are only one apartment away,'

'I know but just until I know you're okay, Meg. Until...'

Meg looked at him for a moment and he caught her sad look.

'Meg, you'll be okay,'

'It's only been four months...'

'I know Meg, but healing takes time. I mean, you're almost physically better – apart from this flu,'

'I only have the flu because my immune system is so weak,'

'Meg,'

'Harm, I'm not ready to have a relationship. Maybe I felt ready back at the office, but I'm too vulnerable right now,'

'Meg, I wasn't pushing that, just know I love you,'

'What about Colonel MacKenzie?' Meg asked her blue eyes full of innocence, loss and pain.

'Meg,'

'Harm, don't leave her out of your life because of me,' Meg yawned and fell back onto the couch. She put her head on the pillow Harm had put there for her the day before and closed her eyes.

'Don't you want to sleep in your bed?' Harm asked her, but she was asleep. He covered her with a blanket and cleared her bowl away. He came back through as someone knocked at the door.

'Hey Mac,'

'I figured you'd be here. You weren't home,'

'Mac,'

'Harm, I know you need to do this...'

'You're jealous,'

'No! I'm not Harm, but I do want to be her friend. She won't let me in,'

'Mac, she needs to adjust...a few months isn't enough,'

Mac looked past him at Meg, sleeping peacefully on the couch.

'She'll come round, won't she?'

'Give her time, it doesn't help that Singer and Turner are hard on her, or that she's hurting still. Mac, she needs us both but she'll come to you when she is ready.'

Mac smiled, feeling a lot better about the situation. 'I know, maybe me being such a high ranking Marine hasn't helped either...'

'I know. Hey, come in. She might be glad to see another friendly face when she wakes up.'

'Harm, I know you are feeling guilty about what happened, and that's why you're doing all of this, keeping her close, being there for her all the time but listen to me. It is not your fault – at least she wasn't on the planes!' Mac said, reading his face.

'Mac,'

'Harm, the Admiral told me what the two of you went through remember? That first day you went to her.'

'The last time she was in a coma, she was shot in the head and only comatose for a week, this is different – she didn't lost her memory then,' Harm sat down and started crying.

'Go, get some rest. I'll stay.' Mac said, and Harm listened for once, lying on Meg's bed, not wanting to move her. Mac looked at them both tentatively. Harm exhausted from caring so much, Meg exhausted from the pain and flu that had hit her three days ago. She saw sweat pouring down Meg's face and quickly got a cloth and cold water, wiping her face and putting a lighter blanket over her. Meg woke up.

'Colonel MacKenzie...'

'Shhh...you need your rest Meg, Harm's in your room, he didn't want to move you.'

Meg smiled and silently thanked Harm. Mac tucked some flyaway strands of hair behind Meg's ear.

'You'll be fine,'

'Thank you Mac,' Meg whispered, settling back down.


	3. Chapter 3

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Three**

'Harm! Mac! What…' Meg said as they told her that they were going on their TAD to Afghanistan. She was in shock – it was only May 2002, four months since she had come back to JAG.

'Meg, we aren't abandoning you,' Mac said gently.

'Meg, I know it is only seven months since you lost your family, but you've got the Admiral, and Harriet and Tiner, Turner's come round hasn't he?'

Meg nodded, feeling slightly better.

'If you need us, the Admiral will send a message to the Seahawk for us okay.' Mac said her arm around Meg's shoulders.

'The Admiral needs you here anyway – with us and Bud gone, he's short on attorneys.' Harm added, kissing her forehead. Meg let them both hug her.

'It's better for you here Meg, after what happened…' Mac started to say carefully.

'I know, now go, before I get emotional,' Meg said, shooing them out, her voice shaking. Harm left last, his eyes locking into hers, sending her a silent message. _I'll return, I promise. _

AJ came into Meg's office.

'How are you doing Meg?'

'I'm okay,'

'Missing them already?'

'Guilty as charged sir.'

AJ laughed. 'We all do Meg, but I understand it's harder for you…you're closer with them than anyone else here including me…' He sat on her desk near her.

'If you need to go home Meg…'

'I'm fine; I need to be here…I don't want to be alone.'

AJ nodded. 'Meg, why don't I come over tonight and make you dinner?'

'You'd do that for me?' Meg asked him in disbelief.

'Meg, you've had a rough time,'

'Thank you sir, I'd like that,' Meg smiled.

'I'll see you…Did Harm drive you?'

'Yes sir,'

'Then I'll drive you home tonight,'

'Thank you,'

_Meg's Apartment_

'No, you sit down Meg; I said I'd cook,'

'Admiral, let me help you. I'm not sick or out of action,' Meg pleaded with him. AJ shook his head and took her out the kitchen.

'Sir, I've done enough sitting down,'

'Meg, let me do this…please. You and Mac are the closest people I have to daughters – let me be your father figure,'

Meg smiled. 'Okay,' she was beaten – and only three people could do that – Harm, Mac and AJ.

AJ came through with dinner, and saw Meg curled up on the couch crying.

'Do you miss them Meg?' He asked her as he put his arm around her. Meg nodded, unable to speak.

'Admiral, does Harm love me?' Meg asked eventually as they began to eat. AJ almost choked.

'Love you? I don't know Meg…I think he feels conflicted between his feelings for you and Mac…'

'Oh, okay.'

'Meg, I do know that he cares deeply for you – he was so upset when he heard what happened.'

Meg remained silent for a moment. 'Sir, I still can't remember everything, five years of my life are gone…'

'Meg, everything will come back in time,' AJ said calmly. 'Of course you'll only get bits and pieces at first…just a shame you can only remember Lindsey right now,'

'I liked him at first, then…' Meg trailed off. What had stopped her liking him? He had seemed agreeable and nice when she started with Harm at JAG.

'Did he hurt you?'

'I don't remember,' Meg replied. She curled up again, tucking her feet underneath her.

'Meg, you sit, relax. I'll clear up.'

'No, let me help,' Meg said, getting up too quickly and tripping into AJ. He caught her and they laughed.

'Are you all right?'

'Yes sir,' Meg said as he eased her back into the seat.

'Now sit still, that's an order.' AJ said to her. Meg curled up and put her head on the cushion. Her thoughts travelled to Harm and Mac for a moment, and she felt like crying, but pushed it away. She refused to let herself cry anymore – she'd done enough of that since September 2001. The phone rang and she grabbed it.

'Hello? Harriet, hey! I'm sure everything is okay…' Meg trailed off as AJ came through. Meg listened to Harriet. 'Bud's on the Seahawk – I'm sure nothing has happened to him.' Meg's voice was calm. She was so sure Bud was okay, but in the back of her mind, she doubted her confident words.

'Okay, bye,' Meg hung up.

'Harriet worried about Bud again?' AJ asked her.

'Yeah…'

'You're worried about Harm and Mac,'

'Am I that transparent?' Meg asked him.

'Do I need to answer Meg?' AJ asked her, sitting beside her on the couch. Meg shook her head.

'Only if you want to sir,' Meg replied, curling up again.

'Do you want me to stay?'

Meg looked at him strangely. 'You think I need that?'

'Do you?'

'No, I'm…I'm okay…' Meg stumbled over the words.

'Right, I'm staying tonight. Go to bed, relax, I'll take the couch.'

'Admiral, you've done enough for me already…Okay.' Meg fell weakly under his determined gaze.

'While you're upset, Meg…'

'With all due respect, I don't need to be protected all the time! Please, go home and…'

'All right Meg; I'll come get you in the morning.'

'Thank you,'


	4. Chapter 4

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Four**

Meg turned the envelope in her hands over shakily. There was no return address. She opened it slowly, afraid of what it might be. A letter fell out and she grabbed it.

_Meg,_

_I take it you will remember me. Your beauty was only surpassed by your fear and weakness…you were and still are an easy target. Last time you got away from me…this time you won't, and neither will Harm. You will be tortured in front of him, and made to die a slow death…he will watch you die then in his grief I will kill him… _

_Clark Palmer _

Meg began shaking madly. She fell to the floor in shock as another memory hit her, causing her to fall back.

_She was bound tightly in a dark warehouse…the crazed psychopath Clark Palmer had kidnapped her. _

'_When Harm hears of your death…of course, it will be reported as a suicide, he will kill himself.'_

'_Harm will work out it was you! You shouldn't have told me about your obsession with him…' Palmer hit her over the head with a brick. _

'_Ooops,' _

Meg touched the back of her head. The scar was still there, she'd spent four weeks in ICU, half of that in a coma. She had remembered someone familiar from her past taking her to a hospital, but had been too close to death to realise who it was.

_Palmer beat Meg brutally. She had woken up, much to his disgust. He had to kill her, had to break her spirit. He pinned her to the ground, and began kneeing her in the stomach…_

Meg started crying, curling up in the foetal position, shivering. The memory of the rape came rushing back to her, hitting her like a tonne of bricks. She'd gotten pregnant, but the extent of her injuries, combined with the coma had caused her to miscarry. She heard someone banging at the door.

'Meg? Are you okay? Mac and I are waiting,' Harm asked, worried about her. She was late to dinner with them. Mac had cooked and banned Harm from the kitchen.

'Meg, open the door,' Harm demanded. When he got no response he ran back to his apartment to get her spare key and let himself in.

'Meg!' He fell beside her, scooping her into his arms and holding her tightly as she cried.

'Meg, what…' He saw the note.

'Palmer is in jail…last time?' He looked at Meg, who hadn't stopped crying.

'He…raped me and beat me…he was going to leave me for dead…let it taunt you…'

Harm put hist arms around her, more tightly this time.

'Oh Meg, its okay, its okay.' He said to her as Mac came in. She saw Harm holding Meg, the note on the ground. She went over to them and read the note.

'How dare he threaten her!' Mac was angry. She stalked over to Meg's phone and called AJ.

'Yes, that's what I said, Clark Palmer…yes it's a death threat. Sir, the man is in Leavenworth!' Mac stopped for a moment while AJ spoke. Harm kept his arms around Meg.

'I'm sick of people targeting you Meg,'

'How do you think I feel?' Meg replied, burying her face in him, trying to close out Mac's yelling. She slammed the phone down, and then picked it up again, slamming it down a second time for good measure.

'The Admiral is calling Leavenworth. That rat-faced psychopath is not going anywhere near my friends!' Mac was so angry that Palmer could hurt them from inside his cell.

'She's been through enough! I will not let anything else happen to her!' she spluttered, checking all the windows were locked and the door as well.

'Mac isn't that…'

'Harm, Meg's life has been threatened yet again and I will not sit around and…'

Meg stood up. 'I know, and I appreciate your concern but you two do not need to be so extreme.'

'When it comes to Clark Palmer we do,' Harm said. 'We won't do anything until he breaks out. Until then, we'll just play it safe. You have your gun, I'm right down the hall and once he breaks out there will be guards at your door twenty-four/seven'

Meg smiled through her tears. Harm wiped them away and led her into the bedroom.

'You'll be okay Meg,'

'I know,'

Harm's cell phone rang. 'Hey Sturgis, no everything is fine. Meg's fine, don't worry! Go back to your work, Mac and I are handling it,' He hung up and turned to Meg and Mac.

'The Admiral put everyone in the office on high-alert. Sturgis was calling to check up,'

'He doesn't like me though,' Meg yawned.

'No, he respects you. Don't let him intimidate you,' Mac said to her gently.

'Mac, I'm gonna stay here tonight, just to be safe…'

'Meg, do you mind if he does?' Mac asked.

'Can you both stay?' Meg asked as Harm covered her with the bed covers.

'Of course,' Mac said. 'We'll stay,'

Meg and Harm travelled to Cuba later that week to take part in negotiations to get a US Marine back into the country.

'Play nice,' Mac had joked as they left.

Upon landing in Cuba, Harm had kept Meg safe from the seedy underbelly drug lords.

'Harm I can defend myself!'

'I know, but you…

'…can never be too careful.' Meg grinned at him. Harm rolled his eyes as they caught a cab to their hotel.

'Gee, this looks homey,' Meg said sarcastically, eying the one bed.

'Looks like we'll be sharing,'

'Not if someone takes the couch.' Meg said invitingly. Harm punched her arm lightly, affectionately. She dumped her bag on the bed and collapsed on it, exhausted and jetlagged.

'Meg, we've got an interview to go to,'

'Mmmph.' Meg curled up. Her head was banging.

'Meg, come. I'll get you some pain killers and you can rest on the way,' He said, rummaging in his bag for the tablets and got a glass of water for Meg.

'Meg, you've been worrying about Palmer's threat too much. I heard you on the plane.'

Meg cringed. Had she really been that audible?

'Oh…I know,'

'Mac can handle him, she can handle herself.'

'I know,'

'I didn't get my target, but you'll do fine,' Palmer drawled to Mac in her apartment. He'd done a brig break, and Meg and Harm were unreachable at the moment, AJ leaving a message at the hotel for them. Mac levelled her gun with Palmer's chest.

'Leave Meg out of it,'

'She's so easy to hurt.'

'Those mind games don't work on me,'

Palmer just laughed maniacally.

'Don't be so naïve Sarah.'

Mac fought her fear – she had to be strong. _Meg's life depends on me,_

'Trying to get at Harm through his friends is so low…' Mac said angrily.

'Yes but it's so fun, especially when the victim is so weak.'

Mac swallowed hard and used Meg's rank to try and strengthen her friend.

'Lieutenant Austin is not weak.' Mac snarled. Palmer laughed.

'She is, oh the first time I raped her it was so easy. She was weak, and…' Mac hit him. He went down hard, laughing.

'You think that will stop me? Oh no, I have a plan.' Palmer said from behind Mac, grabbing her. She fell unconscious and he dragged her away.

Harm lay down on the couch after a long day of interviewing and negotiations. Meg lay in the bed. _She looks so peaceful, _he thought. The he heard her crying for him.

'Hey, what's wrong?' he asked gently, coming over to the bed.

'Stay with me, I'm cold.' Meg lied. Harm got in beside her.

'That's a lie Lieutenant; I know you can't resist me!'

Meg swatted at him playfully but turned and snuggled into his arms. 'Hmm that's better. I feel safe now.'

'What, you don't like sleeping alone?'

'No, I do, I just…I'm worried about Mac…'

'She can take care of herself,' Harm said as he tightened his arms around her, and kissed her.

'Harm…' Meg said, slightly thrown.

'Meg, it's been about a year, and you know how I feel…'

'You love me don't you?'

'Guilty as charged, Lieutenant. Now,'

'You know I do Harm...I just…'

'I understand, and yes I know you love me.' Harm kissed her again. This time she didn't pull away, but fell into his kiss. Harm wrapped his arms and the blankets around her as she fell asleep in his arms.

'Night Meg,'

Harm listened to AJ carefully while Meg slept, her thing frame draped in the blankets softly.

'Palmer escaped and he has Mac?'

'Yes son, now I'm putting the case on hold, bringing you and Lieutenant Austin home. How is she anyway?'

Harm looked over to Meg.

'Sleeping sir,'

She mumbled something in her sleep and Harm sat on the bed next to her. 'She's exhausted, not to mention jetlagged.'

'I hate to cause her more jetlag and exhaustion but…'

'I know, I'll wake her soon.' Harm hung up and threw his phone on the bedside table.

'Hey, gorgeous wake up,'

Meg opened her eyes sleepily and smiled at Harm, but her face fell when she saw Harm's serious face.

'Harm…'

'Meg…the Admiral is pulling us off the case, putting the negotiations on hold for a while.' Harm said, Meg sat up, her pyjama top half falling off her shoulder as she did. Harm replaced it.

'Meg, Palmer escaped…he well he uh…he kidnapped Mac…'

Meg looked at Harm in disbelief, her blue eyes full of innocence and confusion.

'Meg, I'm telling the truth,'

Meg looked away then hit Harm in the chest in anger. 'I hate him!'

Harm grabbed her arms and held them by her sides.

'I know,' He said, holding her for a moment.

'We'd better get ready to go Meg. Plane leaves in a few hours.'

Palmer tied Mac up tightly. She was conscious now.

'You hurt her and I'll…'

'You'll what? Insult me to death?'

Mac kicked at him, getting him in the shin hard. Palmer fell and growled. Damn the Marine training!

'I'll get you for that,' Palmer said, and disappeared.

Mac started crying.

'Damn it, you're a goddamn Marine!' She said to herself. She knew Harm, Meg and AJ wouldn't let her go this easily, and she knew Meg would overcome her fear of Palmer to save her – even though Harm would try and talk her out of it, Meg would not let him boss her around. She had become more like herself, according to Harm in the past few months. She knew that they'd save her.

Harm and Meg silently slipped into Palmer's hideout. Harm had grudgingly brought Meg alone.

'This is my fight too you know,' She'd said to him angrily.

'Fine, just remember I'll have your six,'

'I know,'

That conversation had led them here, twelve hours after their return. AJ had, instead of them concluding the investigation later, sent two other officers to Cuba. Meg was still badly jetlagged – two flights in less than 72 hours had drained her physically, but she wouldn't let herself be deterred by it. They saw Mac, tied up and Meg breathed in sharply. _That could be me! I hope she isn't hurt! _Meg thought. Harm saw the look in her eyes, the same one she had when he was missing in Hong Kong.

'It's okay Meg,' He whispered.

'No its not,' Palmer appeared out of nowhere, making Meg scream.

'You raped me!'

'Yes I did, now tell me, do I have a son?'

'No, I miscarried, thank god. I would have had an abortion if I hadn't been in a coma.' Meg said, reeling in anger.

'Come now Meg, you enjoyed it.'

'No I didn't! Not for one moment did I enjoy what you did to me! You're a monster, a psychopath!'

Palmer grabbed her upper arm. 'Now that's not how to greet someone is it?'

Meg used her free arm and punched him. He released her, and Harm pulled her to Mac while Palmer was disoriented.

'You found me! And Meg, I've never seen you do that before!' Mac had seen everything and was surprised by Meg's strength, despite her weak appearance.

'He had it coming,' Meg untied Mac's bonds while Harm stood watch. 'He hurt me and my friends,'

As the three moved to leave, Palmer came up behind them and cut Harm and Mac off from Meg. She pulled her gun out shakily. Palmer laughed at her.

'You can't shoot me…you'll pay for the black eye before you get to pull that trigger.'

'No, you'll rot in hell.' Meg said her voice strong. Harm and Mac slipped into the shadows to place a call to Leavenworth and AJ, but not too far away in case Meg needed them. Harm grew concerned when Palmer began touching Meg inappropriately but Mac had full confidence in her.

'You know Meg; I've waited for this moment for three years.'

'Yeah? Well so have I.' Meg said, firing her gun. It hit Palmer in the stomach and Meg fell backwards with the shock of it. Harm raced over to her.

'Harm…I shot him…'

'He tried to attack you…' Harm saw a blood-stain on her summer whites and ripped his jacket off, mopping it up.

'Self defence Meg, and the Leavenworth guards just arrived – there'll be no murder charges.' Harm helped her up, and took her gun, wiping it down. She stumbled out towards Mac and they rushed her to the emergency room where she was stitched up and kept overnight.

_Two days later_

'Palmer is in maximum security, he won't bother any of you again,' AJ said to them in his office. 'Now, explain to me, Lieutenant, why, when the three of us gave you clear orders not to come in for at least four days, you came in today?' AJ asked lightly. Meg blushed – AJ was right.

'I was bored and I felt fine. Harm had no objections,'

'I'm the one who…'

AJ and Mac looked from Meg to Harm expectantly. They smiled at each other and blushed.

'Is there something you two aren't telling us?'

'No sir,' Meg said, elbowing Harm before he could answer.

'Dismissed,' AJ said. After they left Mac pulled them both into her office.

'You two slept together didn't you, in Cuba?'

'Maybe,' Harm said, embarrassing Meg. She elbowed him again and he grabbed her affectionately.

'So what if we did Mac?'

'Well it's against regulations for one thing! On the other hand…' Mac smiled. 'I like to see Meg happy, she needs some love,'

Harm kissed Meg on the cheek then and she pushed him off. 'Not here!'

They came back out and saw Bud, coming back into the office for the first time since the explosion, on his prosthesis leg. He hugged Meg.

'Glad to see you're okay,'

'You too Sir,'


	5. Chapter 5

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Five**

'Lieutenant j.g. Austin, your line of questioning is unreasonable.' The judge said in his chambers harshly to Meg while Commander Lindsey smirked. Meg looked down, embarrassed. Her first case at JAG in years without a senior officer and she had been sandbagged by the egotistical Ted Lindsey.

'Sorry your honour,' Meg was submissive. Around Harm, Mac and AJ she was rarely ever seen with her eyes down and a 'Don't-give-me-that-crap' look combined with her 'butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth' look, but around judges, other senior officers and Lindsey, she was as submissive, as shy and sweet as anything.

'I advise that your Commanding Officer remove you from the case or assign you a co-counsel.'

'Yes sir,'

'I'd be happy to report this incident to Admiral Chegwidden,' Lindsey volunteered.

'Thank you Commander Lindsey. Court will remain in recess until this is sorted out.'

Meg stalked up to Lindsey.

'How dare you! You know for a fact I was within my rights asking those questions!'

'For someone who still can't remember the few years she was absent from JAG for…'

AJ came up and grabbed Meg as she went to hit Lindsey.

'Meg, is Commander Lindsey giving you trouble?'

'He's trying to destroy my career!' Meg said, wrenching free of his grasp.

'Meg, calm down…Commander Lindsey, my office now. You too Meg,'

'Admiral, her questions to my witness this morning were unreasonable and unrelated to the case.'

'You're lying; you mean they were unrelated to _your _case but not mine!'

Lindsey gave Meg his 'I'm-superior-to-you' look.

Meg cowered under his glance. Spineless as he was, up until now he had never made her feel so weak.

'If you two…Lindsey, if you can't give up trying to sandbag everything Lieutenant Austin does…'

'She deserved it,'

'ENOUGH! Why the hell is everyone out to destroy Lieutenant Austin's career?'

'She doesn't…'

'If you say she doesn't belong in the navy then I will hit you Lindsey,' AJ threatened.

Lindsey looked very nervous.

'I uh I'm sorry sir, but she does not deserve…'

'_She _has a name. And Meg has worked very hard for this. I don't understand why…You…You have had a hand in her not progressing further than Lieutenant junior grade.'

'Someone had to. She is incompetent, the first time she was working with Rabb, when he was a Lieutenant, she undid her harness trying to get onto a submarine.'

'She does not need some egotistical SOB from the past…'

'No wonder this office needs to be broken up – it's full of…'

Meg ran out before Lindsey could finish. Mac caught her as she passed and pulled her to the side.

'What happened?' Mac's chocolate brown eyes were full of concern as Meg looked away nervously.

'I hate Commander Lindsey,'

'Don't we all? What has he done to you?'

Meg was silent, and Mac kept pushing at it.

'Meg,'

'He's trying to remove me from the case I'm working on. I was an idiot to think I could do it alone,'

Mac folded her arms. 'Come with me; show me what you've got so far.'

As Meg walked with Mac, a memory flashed in her mind.

_Lindsey in the door of her office at Computer Weapons, just watching her._

'_What can I do for you sir?'_

'_Come now Lieutenant, I know that you're the best here, I need your assistance on a case.'_

_Meg looked up from her work. 'You sure that's not code for "I want to have a torrid affair with you and then when the SecNav finds out, it'll be your neck not mine."?' Meg asked coldly. She hadn't trusted Lindsey for a while. _

'_Why would you say that?'_

'_Because, I know you too well,' Meg replied as he came in, closer to her. He was practically on top of her, breathing down her neck. He put his hand towards her chest and went in to kiss her._

'_Commander Lindsey, what are you doing?' Meg pulled away and got up, jumping to the other side of her desk in fright. _

'_Is there a problem, Meg?' _

'_Yes, I just realized that the senior officer in this room is a cheater,' _

She shook herself out the memory as Mac sat opposite her and took the file case file from Meg.

'It looks like your evidence and arguments are legitimate. You surely had a right to ask these questions…there's something else, isn't there?'

'Lindsey tried to make a move on me…the memory just came back.'

Mac saw the hatred in Meg's eyes.

'Don't you have any good memories of the time you weren't at JAG?'

'I don't know Mac! I want to know why I keep remembering the bad stuff!'

Mac sighed. 'Meg, do you…'

'I want to do this alone,'

AJ came in. 'Meg,'

'Sir, I'm sorry I ran out! I didn't mean to!'

'I'm not here to reprimand you…Lindsey's won through Meg. I have to assign you a senior officer, I'm sorry.'

'I'm quite capable…'

'I know what you are capable of Meg.' AJ said apologetically.

'Sir, I'll help her,' Mac said. 'Her arguments are fine; I've looked over the whole case file.'

'Thank you Colonel.' AJ left and Meg put her head in her hands.

'Yet again I'm made to feel…'

'You're not incompetent Meg!' Mac said, annoyed with Meg constantly falling to the ground when Lindsey was involved. Harm came in then.

'I just heard about Lindsey's latest vendetta. Everything okay Meg?'

Meg turned to face him.

'Yes, it is Harm.'

Harm looked at her.

'You're hiding something,'

Meg stared back at him with her innocent cornflower blue eyes that just said "Don't push me Harm."

Harm saw the look in her eyes and knew she didn't want to be pushed into anything, or talk right now.

'All right,' Harm left the office.

'Meg, you should have told him,'

'He'll just get overprotective Mac,'

Mac saw what Meg was trying to say and sighed. She understood completely how her friend was feeling, because Harm could be so pushy and protective at the best of times - even when he wasn't needed.

'I know,'

That night Meg lapsed into more memories of the years she had lost after her accident. She felt at ease with this one, not as rigid or afraid, but it was still a painful memory.

_Meg rode her horse slowly through the woods with her mother and brother on their horses beside her. The sun was setting and a cool wind came up as they rode._

'_Meg,' her mother said gently. 'We should go back,' _

'_Mmm not yet.' Meg replied lazily. She was enjoying everything – the riding, the sunset and being with her family. Her older brother rode up, gently putting his hand on her shoulder. _

'_Mum's right, you need your rest,' his voice was calm and gentle._

'_I haven't see you for ages, or ridden for years. Besides, I feel fine,' _

_Her mother pulled on the reins of her horse then Meg's, stopping them in their tracks. _

'_Meg, I know baby, but you've been sick. Come, its cold. You don't want it to get any worse,' her mother said, taking the reins of Meg's horse and leading them away. _

Meg woke up crying. She remembered that horse ride – she was just recovering from pneumonia then. The memory made her smile as well – it was one she liked, from two years ago, if she was remembering it right. But the pain of losing her mum and brother made it hurt her more than her other lost memories. She got up and put on some clothes. Then she slipped out and went next door to Harm.

'It's 3 am!' He said as he heard her knock at the door. He opened it and let her in, taking her in his arms and letting her cry, despite his nakedness. He stroked her hair down; it was still a mess as she hadn't brushed it.

'Hey, what's wrong?'

'More memories,'

'Oh Meg, your mum and brother?' he guessed.

'Yes,' Meg replied, her voice muffled in his chest. He led her over to the couch and sat down with her.

'I can't sleep properly anymore, I hear their voices, I hear their final screams and final words to me…Harm, what's wrong with me?'

'Nothing, you're just grieving Meg. Sometimes it takes a long time to get over grief.'

'Did you ever find your dad?'

'Umm yeah, sort of, I found out I have a half brother…'

'Sergei?'

'Yeah…when Mac and I went to Russia, I found out he died there…I've said my goodbyes but it still hurts. I can't imagine how you must feel, knowing you saw the planes go into the towers that day,'

Meg let him hold her while she didn't say anything.

'Harm, can I stay here tonight?' Meg asked, falling asleep in his arms as she said it. Harm looked down at her and smiled, kissing her hair.

'Of course,' He put his arms around her and lifted her up, taking her to his bed.

'You stay here, and I'll take the couch,' He covered her with the blankets and left quietly.

_JAG HQ _

'Sleep well Lieutenant?' Turner asked Meg disdainfully as she came in the next day.

'Fine, thank you.' Meg answered.

'You and Harm have a good time together?'

Harriet came over when she saw Meg falter, as Harm and Mac had disappeared into AJ's office.

'Sir, that was uncalled for,'

'Did I ask your opinion?'

'No, but you have no right to make those assumptions.'

'She arrived with Harm,'

Meg scowled at Turner, he had gone too far.

'We live next door to each other. It makes logical sense for me to come to work with him in his car or vice versa instead of two cars. Is that so hard to understand?' Meg's voice was cold and even. Harriet and Turner looked at her in shock. She had never spoken like that to Turner, she was almost afraid of him, submissive around him.

'Lieutenant, do I need to…'

'Ma'am, the Admiral wants to see you,' Coates said to Meg.

'Thank you Coates,' Meg glared at Turner; glad Jen had come up before Turner had had a chance to finish his threat.

_AJ's Office_

'You wanted to see me sir?'

'Come in Meg, sit down.' AJ said to her. Meg sat down, unsure of what AJ wanted. When he saw her uncertainty, her nervousness he had to suppress a laugh.

'Meg, I didn't call you in here to reprimand you,' AJ said. 'I want to talk to you. How are you doing?'

'Fine sir, I'm slowly getting my memory back…'

'Commander Turner giving you trouble?'

Meg fell silent for a minute. 'Yes sir, he assumed that because I arrived with Harm this morning we slept together,'

'And did you?'

'No…I had…I was upset last night, I stayed at his place, nothing happened.' Meg was on the verge of crying again, the memory she'd dreamt about last night still fresh in her mind.

'Meg, is everything okay, tell me the truth.'

Meg stayed silent.

'You miss them,'

'Is it that obvious?'

'Meg, I know you almost as well as Harm and Mac know you. When you're upset it's not that hard to miss,'

'Sir…'

'Meg, you don't need to explain yourself to me. Send Commander Turner in will you? I want to have a little chat with him,'

'Sir, that will only make things worse,'

'Lieutenant, I cannot stand it when an officer under my command is hurting another. Dismissed Lieutenant, and send him in,'

'Yes sir,'

_A few hours later_

'You little….' Turner said threateningly to Meg as he came out of the lions den, AJ's office. Harm came up behind her, shielding her from Turner.

'Is there a problem, Sturgis?'

'She went to the Admiral…'

'Oh so she was supposed to put up with the way you treat her?' Harm said angrily, despite Meg's protests that she could fight her own battles.

'With all due respect, Commander Turner, I was within my rights.'

'The Admiral said that I could be transferred…and I will know who to blame if my career gets scuttled, Lieutenant.' Turner pushed past her roughly.

'If he…'

'Meg, cool it,'

'No, I think I have a right to vent like this Harm! He has…I should not have to put up with that, and I am going to tell him right now!' She made a move to confront Turner, ignoring the fact that he could make her feel inadequate in seconds, but Harm pulled her back.

'Not until you take a cold shower, Meg.' He said, pulling her into his office.

'Harm,'

'Meg, I know what he has done, but he is a part of this team! Lieutenant Singer and Commander Lindsey mistreated you! Hell Meg, Lindsey tried to…'

'I know Harm! I know what he tried to do to me, I was there remember?'

'So why is this different?' Harm's voice became gentle. 'You never filed complaints against Singer or Lindsey…'

'I did against Lindsey, nothing came of it.'

'And did you file a complaint against Singer?'

'No, but that was different,'

Harm rolled his eyes. 'Meg, three officers have tried to undermine you,'

'Harm, let it go! I've sorted things out with the Admiral about Turner – without your help!'

'Meg…'

'Harm, not now, I know what happened in Cuba, but you know that…'

'You're not ready…'

Meg looked at him apologetically and left. Harm watched as she left, feeling alone.

'I will love you no matter what,'


	6. Chapter 6

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Six**

_September 11th, 2002_

Meg sat at the bar. She'd had several drinks and it was only 1100 hours. She was depressed – her memory was still bung and it was the one year anniversary of 9/11 – the images she had seen in person splashed across the television screens. Every time she finished a drink she'd told herself _I must go to work now,_ but hadn't made it, another drink came her way each time.

'Meg,' she heard a voice behind her.

'Leave me alone,' Meg replied, her voice slurring slightly. Mac got on the stool beside Meg and pushed the drink away.

'Meg, this is not the solution to your problems, and I know what you must be feeling, but drowning your depression in alcohol is not the answer.'

'The hell you would know,'

Mac felt stung by the words but didn't let it show.

'Actually, you'd be surprised how often I have turned to alcohol Meg. You might say I became an alcoholic, and I don't want that to happen to you. Harm, the Admiral and I would never forgive ourselves if anything happened to you and like I said before – alcohol doesn't solve anything.'

Meg looked at Mac; her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying.

'Meg, my father abused me and he was an alcoholic, so that made me turn to alcohol. I must have spent twelve years sober before I derailed again, after my ex was killed. Harm helped me then, and for the past five or six years I haven't looked back to alcohol. Meg, it will only cause you more pain,'

'Can you take me home? I feel…' Meg slumped to the floor. Mac shook her awake.

'Sure, come on,'

_Meg's apartment_

Mac rubbed Meg's back while she threw up yet again later that afternoon. Mac had called Harm and AJ to tell them and they'd said they were coming over later, or as soon as they could.

'I'm so stupid,' Meg said as she sat back on the tiles, with Mac's arm around her.

'No, you're not. Come and lie down,'

'My head hurts,'

'I know Meg, I've had many hangovers.' Mac laughed gently, easing Meg onto the couch and bringing her water and Panadol. She knelt beside Meg.

'Are you up to eating something?'

Meg buried her face and groaned.

'Let me sleep…' She pushed Mac away weakly. Mac got up and answered the door.

'Harm,'

'Is she okay?'

Mac looked over at Meg.

'Does she look okay, Harm?' Mac admonished him. The blinds were shut, Meg's eyes being sensitive to the light, her head sore.

'Well Mac, I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop her, but…'

'So it worked on me not with her?' Mac said hysterically. Harm pushed past her and knelt beside Meg. He stroked her face as she slept.

'Meg, I should have been there, I'm sorry.'

'Gee smooth Harm, real smooth.' Mac said icily. 'You let me bring her home and then you…'

Harm glared at Mac. 'Pipe down would you? She's sleeping,'

'Then I guess she doesn't need me.'

Harm went after Mac as she left.

'Are we going to fight over who cares about Meg the most, Mac?'

'Well you've made it pretty clear that…'

'Mac!' Meg's small, scared voice called as she woke up to find no-one with her. Mac ran to her side.

'It's okay Meg,' she said, stroking her hair. 'Calm down, I'm here,'

'I heard you and Harm yelling…'

'How's your head?' Harm asked.

'Oh how do you think?' Meg snapped at him, burying her head in Mac's arms. Mac glared at Harm.

'I think you better go,'

Harm left, slamming the door loudly. Meg felt it echo in her head and cringed.

'He's so stubborn!' Mac said frustratedly. She hit her hand on the table. 'Ow!'

'Mac, are you okay?' Meg asked, ignoring her hang-over from that morning.

'I'm fine; you're the one who needs rest,'

Meg paled instantly and ran for the bathroom, Mac following her.

'Meg, I hope you weren't mixing drinks,'

'I'm not that stupid.' Meg answered between throwing up and coughing. Mac rubbed Meg's back gently and thought.

'Meg, was someone with you?'

'Only the bartender,' Meg threw up again. Mac stopped rubbing and scowled.

'Some-one was spiking your drinks,'

'No I just had too many and I never want to see alcohol again.'

Mac smiled to herself. 'You'll be fine Meg,'

Another knock at the door made Mac leave Meg's side. She rolled her eyes.

'Harm if that's you again, then you had better come back to grovel…Admiral!' Mac said, embarrassed.

'The Commander giving you two trouble?'

'Yes sir,'

'How's Meg?'

Mac saw Meg come out and shakily come over to her.

'Admiral,'

'How are you doing Meg?'

'I'm okay…'

'Meg, if you need help, if you need to talk…'

'Thank you sir…'

'Meg, I'd suggest a therapist but…'

Meg froze. 'Sir, I'd rather talk with people I know,'

'All right, when you're ready.' AJ said, as Meg and Mac stood aside for him to come in. As Mac got them coffee, AJ tried to talk to Meg.

'Meg, I know it's been a year since…well…'

Meg looked at him, her eyes told him to continue.

'Meg, I don't like to see you hurting like this…ahhh…what I'm trying to say is…God I was never good at this with Harm and Mac either…'

Meg laughed gently, a smile tugging at her lips. AJ saw her amusement and laughed at himself.

'You always have a way of making us smile again, and God knows we need to. It's been an awful year at JAG. Part of me wishes I had made you wait till now to come back to work…'

'Permission to speak freely sir?' Meg asked shakily. AJ nodded and tears filled Meg's eyes.

'I miss them Admiral, I thought I was getting better but I miss them terribly. I just wish…'

'No Meg, I know what you're about to say, don't say it.' AJ came over to her and put his arms around her as she cried. 'I know you have no biological family, but Harm, Mac, me, everyone at JAG…we're your family now. Don't push us away.'

'Sir, why did this happen to me?'

'Meg, I don't know…sometimes bad things happen to good people…I don't understand why and when I saw you hurt…on life support…' AJ couldn't tell her he thought he was going to lose her.

'Sir, when I saw the planes hit, I felt like my life was going to end,'

AJ held her tightly. 'I cannot begin to imagine how you must have felt.'

'Everything okay sir?' Mac asked, bringing three mugs through.

'I think so; Meg's trying to talk about it,'

'That's good.' Mac said to them calmly. The phone rang and Meg answered it.

'Harm, don't start with me… she said to him. 'I'm not in the mood, you know that! Hung-over and depressed are not a good mix!' She slammed the phone down angrily and got up, storming out. Mac ran after her and caught her arm as she went to go and yell at Harm.

'Meg, don't do that.' Mac said to her.

'Why not?'

'You're emotional; you don't want to say something you'll regret.'

'Harm…'

'I know he was stupid. But don't go and yell at him, because it's only going to make things worse.'

Mac let Meg's arm drop but held her eyes for a lot longer. 'You're still upset. Come on, leave it for a few days, it will give you both a chance to cool down.'

Meg let Mac lead her back into her apartment – it had started raining.

_Nice to know the weather can reflect my mood, _Meg thought critically of herself. She was trying to build up a wall around her heart from the pain she'd suffered the past year, but not too much of a wall that she didn't let her closest friends in. She curled up in bed while Mac and AJ spoke in whispers about her.

'Sir, she's starting to open up about what happened, that's good…' Mac started to say. AJ looked at Meg, who was sleeping restlessly.

'She's getting there…'

_Meg walked off the Seahawk, breathing a sigh of relief. She had averted a crisis, stopped a torpedo from destroying the carrier with its crew and her on board._

'_Lieutenant,' someone called to her. Meg turned to face Commander Lindsey._

'_Can I help you Commander?' _

'_You're going back to Washington…'_

'_Yes that's where I am working, and no I won't put in a good word for you with the promotions board because it's against regulations.'_

'_Come Meg, I know…'_

'_Get off me! What I will do is tell the Captain promotions board what you did to me!' Meg pushed him off her._

'_That will cost you…'_

'_A promotion? I can wait,' Meg stormed off, the euphoria of saving over about four thousand people dissipating quickly. She wished Lindsey had been thrown over board. Every time he'd come near her on the TAD he had tried to feel her up. And she was not going to be hurt like that. _

'_Meg,' _

'_Leave me alone. Like you, I have a career and a job to do, so butt out!' Meg stalked off to her car and drove away. _

'Leave me alone!' Meg said in her sleep, unaware that Mac and AJ were staying the night.

'Okay, fine,' AJ said, getting up as she woke up and blushed.

'More memories Lieutenant?'

'Yes sir and I am glad Commander Lindsey is in jail. It means he can't try to feel me up anymore,'

'He did that several times didn't he, Meg?'

'Yes. I reported it…'

'I know, I read his file, it was on there, one of the reasons I didn't pass him up. I was head of his promotions board,'

Meg hugged him. 'Thank you sir,'

AJ smiled, understanding her.

'Any time Meg,' He said, hugging her back. Mac stood watching them.

'I see she's opened up more, obviously remembering things,'

'Yes I am,' Meg replied.

'Harm called, wanting to patch things up.' Mac said uneasily. Meg rolled her eyes.

'Tell him I'll go to him when I am ready.' Meg's voice was cold.

'Too late,' Mac said as Harm entered.

'Meg, we need to…'

'We aren't together Harm!' Meg said angrily, sitting up higher. She felt fine now, maybe a little emotional but she had sense enough to yell at Harm.

'Meg, I told you…'

'Yes, I know you told me you love me, I know what happened between us Harm!'

'But…'

'We're not in a relationship beyond friends! Is that so hard to understand? Is it so hard to understand that you can't fix everything that happens to me, to the people you care about? Can't you deal with the fact that maybe I needed Mac this time?' Meg was yelling now, restrained by AJ.

'Easy there Meg,' He whispered to her. Harm glared at Meg.

'Are you saying you don't love me, Meg?'

'YES!' Meg threw a pillow at him angrily. 'Leave me alone,'

'Gee the last time I saw you anywhere near this angry was our first case together,' He left then and Meg let AJ and Mac calm her down.

'Why did you let him in, Mac?'

'Meg, I had no choice…he just…I'm sorry.'

'Cut the bull,' Meg replied as they left.

Mac followed Harm into his apartment.

'What is your problem, Harm?'

'What's her problem?'

Mac fumed at Harm's attitude. As if it wasn't obvious! Meg was still hurting; it was a year since the tragedy! How could he be so misunderstanding, so immature?

'You are her problem! You're pushing her into a relationship she is not ready for, she still has psychological scars, and seeing the images splashed across every television screen in Washington today has not helped her recovery.'

Harm glared at Mac.

'What makes you so sure about that?'

'I can just see it in her eyes, Harm! She's lucky I was here, because you don't know how to deal with someone when they are drunk. Your solution is to call them a cab!'

'Mac, you said yourself that I made the best choice in turning my back…'

'This is different! I am an alcoholic Harm; I knew what I was doing! Meg's confused!' Mac yelled at him.

Harm slammed his fist on the table.

'Damn it Mac! I know she is hurting but she needs…'

'She needs friends, not a romantic relationship!'

'Then why the hell did she…never mind.'

Mac glowered at Harm. 'Do not play that card. You know full well that the only reason she let you sleep in the bed was because she was scared. Maybe she was feeling something then but not right now Harm.'

Harm raised his fist to hit the table again but stopped.

'You're right – I have been pushing her. But…'

Mac looked at him calmly. 'Harm we all want her to get better, but forcing her into this…I mean, you keep telling her that you love her…its only making it worse!' Mac said to him. Harm looked at her carefully. She had a look in her eyes that she'd had before.

'Mac…we can't revisit that topic…'

'Why not? Harm, I love you, okay? Is that so hard to process?'

'No Mac and I love you too but…'

'Meg needs us, I know.'

Harm saw a tear slide down Mac's cheek and wiped it away.

'Marines don't cry,' He said to her gently, pulling her in for a hug.

'Mac, I'm sorry about the way I acted…'

Mac smiled. 'Apology accepted, but I'm not the one you need to make it up to.'

Harm went to go and see Meg but Mac pulled him back.

'Let her simmer, calm down. She's emotional; she'll probably regret most of what she said later. And don't play the love card. I know a while ago everything seemed okay with that, but she had her doubts, and she isn't ready Harm. It's easy to see that.'

'So…friends…'

'Yeah, us too. Let's wait a while Harm. Let's not confuse her, or hurt her even more with us getting together. I know you love her, and I know how you two had a slim time frame together, but I think she just…'

'Needs me to love her like a brother…she doesn't see it any other way.'

Mac shook her head. 'No, she doesn't Harm. She needs us to take the place of her family, though not completely.' Mac left then to go back to Meg and see if she was needed.

Harm watched as she left.

'Thank you Sarah,' he whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Seven**

'Out of my way, Lieutenant,' Turner said to Meg as she tried to get a book from the law library.

'I will move when I am ready,' Meg replied, not knowing who it was. She turned and blushed.

'Oh I am so sorry Commander,' she said, scurrying to the table she had her work spread over.

'Hmmph.' Turner replied, getting what he needed and leaving. Bud came in then.

'Everything okay Meg?'

'Yes sir, I just can't get this book…' She showed him what she was trying to reach on the top shelf. Bud smiled at her kindly and pulled it down for her.

'There you go, hope it helps.'

'Thank you sir, I'm sure it will.' Meg sat down and flipped through it to the pages she needed.

'Meg, is everything okay?'

'Why wouldn't it be?' Meg asked, not looking up. Bud sat opposite her, his hand over hers.

'It's just that…I know you've had a hard time adjusting, remembering your lost years, and that Commander Turner and Lieutenant Singer were no help. But you were once confident and you would talk to us more than this. Now…'

'With all due respect, sir, I have to finish this report for Commander Rabb,'

Bud was shocked that she didn't know.

'Meg, he's resigned to find Mac in Paraguay.' Bud said gently.

'He never told me…he tells me everything…' Meg was in shock. She let the book fall out of her hands and to the floor. Bud picked it up, putting it back on the table.

'Meg,' he started as she got up.

'Don't talk to me!' she stormed out and bumped into Harriet.

'Sorry ma'am.'

'Meg, its okay,' Harriet said kindly. She'd stuck close to Meg the past few years whenever Harm and Mac were away, and now was no exception. 'Is something wrong?'

Meg sat down in a chair and started crying.

'He never told me he was resigning to find her!' Meg said tearfully. Harriet put her arm around Meg.

'It's okay…Harm will bring the Colonel back,'

'Then why didn't he tell me?'

Harriet bit her lip nervously. Poor Meg had been through so much pain, and this was only adding to it – not only that, something or someone, Harriet had three names high on her list, and had recently eliminated the top two, had scuttled Meg's career and stopped her advancing further than Lieutenant junior grade. Or so she thought, unaware that Commander Lindsey had already damaged Meg's career before Turner and Singer became involved.

'Meg, how did you find out?'

'Lieutenant Roberts told me.'

Harriet saw Meg double over and continue crying. 'Maybe you should talk to the Admiral.'

'No,'

'Lieutenant Austin, I'd like to see you in my office now please.' AJ said to her in his usual manner. Meg followed him sheepishly.

'Sit down Meg.' His voice was gentle, and he had dropped his intimidating manner.

'Now, tell me, is something bothering you?'

'You mean the fact that Harm resigned and never told me?' Meg replied.

'Well…that and I know you're worried about Mac.'

'They're my best friends.'

AJ put his hand on her shoulder. 'I know, but its Harm and Mac. If anyone can survive anything they can…so can you of course. Look how far you've come in the past eighteen months or so,'

Meg smiled. 'Some things are still fuzzy,'

'I know. Tell me, you and Harriet getting along?'

'Yes sir,'

'How about you and Lieutenant Roberts?'

'Of course sir,'

'Then why…' AJ looked up to see Harriet in his door.

'Can I help you Lieutenant Simms?'

'Sir, can I ask you a personal question?'

'Of course Harriet,' AJ replied, going over to her.

'Sir, you don't think they're not coming back do you?'

AJ put his arm around Harriet. 'Harm and Mac are survivors. They've been through a lot together…they'll come back.'

'Really? Because I don't want to explain to little AJ why his Aunt Mac and Uncle Harm aren't ever going to see him again.'

AJ smiled at the thought of the little boy named after him.

'Everything will be fine. And I hope that puts your mind at ease too Meg.'

Harriet smiled. 'Thank you sir, that's all I wanted to hear,' she hugged AJ and he hugged her back. AJ watched as she left to do her work. He saw one officer, his other surrogate daughter, reassured. But then saw Meg, still struggling to find her place at JAG, still trying to make up her lost years.

'Meg, everything is going to be okay,' he said to her gently as she left. She merely nodded, acknowledging she had heard and walked out.

'Lieutenant, would you hurry up and get me that report? I've taken over the case you were working on with Commander Rabb,' Turner reprimanded her two days later.

'Yes sir, on its way,' Meg replied. She watched as Turner left the office. She felt sick, she'd let him beat her; she'd backed down and was letting him get the better of her.

'Damn it Meg, you're stronger than this!' She said to herself harshly. She printed out the report and went to Commander Turner's office.

'Here's the report,'

'Are you forgetting something?' He asked her. Meg folded her arms in thought.

'No, are you?'

'Lieutenant,'

'Sorry sir, it won't happen again.'

'See that it doesn't!'

Meg left the office, almost bumping into Jen. She had quailed before Turner yet again.

'Ma'am, is everything okay?' Jen asked her. Meg's was pale and her face tear-stained.

'Everything is fine petty officer, just forget it.' Meg slammed the door to her office, causing Bud to look up from the file in his hands.

'Is she okay Coates?'

Jen turned to Bud. 'She gave me the brush-off – we usually get on so well.'

Bud watched Meg through the window as she tried to control her emotions. He entered and sat in front of her.

'Meg, we're all concerned about you,'

'Damn it! He's the only one who can make me feel this way.'

'Commander Turner?'

'Yes!'

'Have you spoken to the Admiral?'

'What good would that do?' Meg asked.

'Come on Meg, I know he's tough on you when Harm and Mac are here but he's gotten worse since…well since Harm resigned.'

Meg kept her eyes down, not looking at Bud.

'Meg, please…lets go to the Admiral,'

Meg shook her head. 'I deserve it,'

'The hell you do!' Bud objected. Meg was being too submissive these days. He watched as she closed her eyes and sat back.

'Meg?'

'I'm fine,'

Bud took the hint and left as another memory flashed in Meg's mind.

'_Out of my way!' a senior officer yelled at her as she made her way through the halls of Computer Weapons HQ. She fell, putting her hands out to steady herself and in an attempt not to fall too hard. _

'_Sorry Captain,'_

'_As you should be,' Captain Clements said harshly as she got up. He pushed her into the wall roughly. _

'_Lieutenant, are you okay?' Commander Hall came over to her._

'_Yes sir,'_

'_You should report him – he has been treating you like that for years,' _

'_Two and a half years sir and it won't do anything.'_

_Commander Hall looked at her. She could be so sassy sometimes, like with him, she would speak her mind but then there was the other side of her – the shy, submissive side where she let senior officers push her around, and she would barely say more than 'yes sir/ma'am,' or 'No sir/ma'am.' _

'_Meg, come on, Admiral Andrews should know,' _

'_No, I'll find a way to deal with it.' _

Meg pushed her chair back and stormed out. Bud was right; she had to tell the Admiral. She passed Commander Turner on the way.

'And where are you going Lieutenant?' he demanded harshly.

'To talk to the Admiral, excuse me sir,' Meg continued on her way.

Meg spoke briefly to Coates and entered the lions den.

'Is there a problem Lieutenant? Two days ago you were hysterical about Harm resigning…'

'Sir, its Commander Turner,'

'What's he doing?'

'He's just being a jerk sir! He's reprimanding me for anything, and treating me…'

'He's a senior officer, giving you orders.'

'Sir, Harm and Mac give me orders. Commander Turner yells at me for no reason, and tells me I'm incompetent…'

AJ slammed his fist on the desk.

'WHY DIDN'T YOU REPORT THIS BEFORE LIEUTENANT?' He yelled at her.

'Sorry, sir, I was scared. And it isn't too bad when Harm and Mac are around…'

'Worse when they're not. Damn it, you're still recovering your memory aren't you?'

'Yes sir…five years is a lot to remember, and it's only been about eighteen months, give or take a few.'

AJ came round to Meg and put his hand on her shoulder.

'Who else knows?'

'Lieutenant Roberts, but I would rather have…'

'I know, Harm and Mac are your best friends…Meg, you close up every time they aren't here, and only come to me. Why don't you talk to Bud or Harriet or Coates?'

'I don't know sir…'

'Meg, we're all family here, we all care about you.'

'Yes sir I know,'

'Look, I'll talk with Turner, but in the meantime, open up to the rest of the staff,'

'Yes sir,'

'Dismissed Lieutenant,'

_After Harm and Mac have returned_

'Meg, are you listening?' Mac reprimanded her gently.

'Hmm? Oh sorry Mac,' Meg blushed and looked away while Mac smiled kindly.

'Its okay, we're all under strain right now,'

'Why did he have to be so stupid?' Meg burst out.

'Who, Harm?' Mac asked, pushing the case to the side at her friend's outburst.

'Who else would I be talking about?'

Mac smiled laughingly. 'He cares about us,'

'The Admiral told him not to go; Harm didn't even tell me he was resigning,'

'He saved me and Webb,'

Turner knocked on the door.

'I just wanted to congratulate you Lieutenant,'

'For what?' Mac asked warily. She knew of Sturgis' issues with Meg, and what had happened while she had been in Paraguay.

'For getting me transferred and possibly ruining my career,'

Meg kept her back to him. 'You had no right to treat me the way you did, sir.'

Turner ignored this last comment and turned to Mac.

'Keep her under control,' and he left.

'What does he mean?'

'I may have tried to assert myself to him, show him that he couldn't push me around,'

'So? Meg, you have a right not to be pushed around like that,'

'He didn't like me doing that,'

Mac stood up. 'I don't care if he didn't. I think its good you're trying to build confidence, and if he tried to squash that then I am not impressed.'

Meg smiled. She knew she could count on Mac to make her feel better.

'I just want Harm…'

'I know Meg, I know you do…but he's in the CIA now,'

'Hey how was that hard landing?'

'Don't ask,' Mac laughed. 'You know what his landings are like,'

'I know what his flying is like,' Meg said. 'After my first and only time in an F-14 I felt like my insides were jumbled…'

'What about that Italian pilot you dated? He never took you flying?'

Meg looked shocked. 'Harm told you?'

Mac blushed and nodded. 'Sorry,'

'No its okay. He didn't fly as recklessly as Harm does,'

'_Meg, its Harm…' the voice on the other line said. Meg frowned. It sounded urgent. _

'_Harm,' she said, trying to pacify him. He sounded panicked, like he was when a gun had been at her head several weeks ago._

'_Meg, come back to JAG,'_

'_Harm, I can't. I let myself fall in love with you,' Meg replied. She had been dreading this conversation. She looked around her dark apartment. She was recovering from the flu before starting at Computer Weapons again. He became insistent._

'_Meg, please, you don't understand!'_

'_I think I do Harm, now please let me go, I'm starting at Computer Weapons tomorrow. Goodbye sailor,' _

Meg woke up crying. She didn't remember that conversation – it had taken place after she had left JAG and while she was in hospital the last thing she had remembered was the murder investigation on the Seahawk. The phone rang and she answered it tearfully.

'Hey Meg,'

'Harm, I remembered something…'

'Meg,'

'You called me after I left JAG to try bringing me back,'

'Meg, I can't talk anymore…I just called to say I miss you…' and he was gone. She started crying but controlled it enough to call Mac.

'Mac,'

'Meg, what's wrong?' Mac asked over the phone.

'Can you come over?'

'Right now Meg…okay,'

Mac swooped down on Meg, drying her tears and listening to her story.

'You live right next door…'

'He's never there.' Meg replied harshly.

Mac pushed Meg's hair behind her ears. 'Meg, I know how you're feeling. He won't return my calls either…'

Meg grabbed the phone and dialled Harm's number but he didn't answer.

'Come, go get some rest, I'll stay here.'

Meg smiled through her anger.

'You're a great friend Mac; I don't know what I'd do without you,'

Mac watched as Meg curled up in bed and went to sleep.

'I know how you feel Meg…'


	8. Chapter 8

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter Eight**

Meg banged impatiently on Harm's door. It flew open and Harm looked at her angrily, fixing her with a hard stare as if she had interrupted something important. Meg cowered slightly but she'd known Harm long enough to not let him defeat her.

'What have I done wrong?' She demanded to know as he yanked her in, slamming the door.

'Meg…' he began harshly

'I don't want to hear it Harm! You never told me you resigned – I had to hear it from Bud!' She yelled at him. Harm put his hand over her mouth roughly and pulled her towards the couch.

'Why are you here?' He demanded, forcing her to sit down. Meg fell hard against the couch.

'Harm!'

'Meg I told you…'

'Just because you joined the CIA doesn't mean you can cut me out of your life Harmon Rabb, because I love you!'

Harm dropped her arm, which he had been holding in a vice-like grip.

'What did you say?' His voice became gentler.

'I love you. Harm, please – it's taken me two years to get this far, and I still don't remember everything. I need you.' She was crying now, her whole body shaking. Harm knelt in front of her, drying her tears.

'Meg, I am so sorry…if I hurt you…'

She shook her head and fell to the floor in his arms.

'Meg…my career…I'm not even sure if I have a job anymore…you saw me on TV,'

Meg smiled. 'Playing the hero as usual,' she joked with him. He cuffed her lightly on the arm.

'Come Meg, I'll take you home…' he said but found he was kissing her. She fell into his arms, almost asleep. He picked her up and took her back to her place, putting her to bed and lying beside her. He put his arms around her tightly, protectively.

'I love you too Meg and I am so sorry about these past few months…' he whispered to her as he fell asleep.

'You got fired?' Meg asked him as she sat in his apartment a few days later, his arm around her. Harm kissed her forehead softly.

'Yeah,'

'Let me guess…"It has Webb written all over it."' Meg joked weakly. Harm cuffed her arm gently.

'Right in one,' He said to her softly. Meg smiled at him.

'I'm glad we're no longer fighting,'

'Hey you're the one who stayed mad at me…' He blushed.

'You stopped talking to me – how was I supposed to react? You weren't around when I needed you,' she sat up, tucking her legs under her.

'Well, I'm here now Meg, what's wrong?' He asked her.

'Nothing,' she lied. 'I'm going home to bed,'

As she opened the door, she was thrown back by another woman, someone from Harm's past.

'Hello sailor,'

'Renee!' Harm was flabbergasted. He helped Meg up and glared at Renee.

'She'll live…now…' Renee began seductively. She started taking Harm's shirt off as Meg tried to stop her. She threw Meg to the floor again, Meg landing on her arm roughly. Meg glared at Renee and got up.

'Listen, Harm got over you a long time ago and I don't take kindly to being thrown around.' Meg said to Renee evenly. Renee made a move to twist Meg's slender arm and break it. Meg wrenched her arm away.

'Don't touch me like that again.' Meg said through gritted teeth as Harm tried to separate them.

'Cool it Meg,' Harm whispered to her. But it was too late. Meg had punched Renee.

'That's for hurting Harm, Mac and I – as well as everyone else at JAG!' Harm put his arms around her.

'Meg!' He laughed as Renee dashed out.

'Yeah well, she was asking for it…Ow!' Meg cringed as Harm held her tightly. 'My arm hurts Rabb!'

Harm sat her down on the couch and looked at it carefully.

'Hmmm it's badly bruised Meg…'

'It hurts,'

'It will for a while,' Harm couldn't stop laughing. 'I cannot believe you hit her,'

'She was threatening me – it was…'

'Self defence. If she tries to sue you…' the phone rang. 'Renee, drop it. I don't love you anymore! And if you try and press charges, Meg and I will take action against you seeing as you started abusing her first.' Harm slammed the phone down.

'Gee, she doesn't take long does she?' Meg yawned. Harm led her to her apartment and settled her on the couch.

'I'm right next door if you want me,'

'Okay.' Meg fell into a relaxing sleep as Harm closed the door.

'Night Meg,'


	9. Chapter 9

**Picking up the Pieces**

**Chapter 9**

Meg struggled to sleep a few nights later as a dream of 9/11 filled her subconscious. She thrashed about; unaware that Harm was still there.

_Her phone rang as the planes rushed towards the towers. She answered it, shaking, paralysed with fear._

'_Meg, honey?'_

'_Mom, where are you?' Meg asked tearfully, knowing the answer._

'_On the plane…darling, Ben and I called to say we love you…we will always love you…' the phone went static._

'_Mom, don't go!'_

'_Darling, I just called to say goodbye…we love you…' _

_Meg shrieked as the planes hit the towers and exploded, as shrapnel hit her everywhere, knocking and pinning her to the ground. She heard sirens far away, but the sight of her own blood and a pole through her stomach made her puke and slip into unconsciousness. _

She woke up crying, Harm holding her, wiping her tears away.

'You could have been a little gentler,' he joked softly. 'Hey, what's wrong Meg?'

'I dreamt about…' she didn't need to tell him everything for him to know.

'Oh Meg, its okay…it was bound to happen sooner or later.' He held her tightly.

'Why don't I take you home to bed?'

'No, I want to stay here,'

'Are you sure you're not going to beat me again?' Harm said lightly. Meg laughed weakly.

'Yes,' Meg buried her tears in him. For the past few years Harm, Mac and the Admiral had been her support system, but having the dream about the crash had weakened the strength she'd developed since starting back at Jag.

'Meg…'

'Harm, I don't want to be alone at the moment!' Meg sat up and scrambled to the end of the couch as he got up. He walked away from her to the kitchen.

'Tea or coffee?' he asked, and Meg suppressed a laugh.

'Harm, its five a.m.'

'So? We need to be at Jag HQ at 0730.' Harm yelled back. 'Tea or coffee?'

'Harm, that's a dumb question and you know it! I'll be back in a bit – I'm going home to get changed.' Her voice fell as she came through. Harm smiled his flyboy smile at her.

'Up for some flying? The Admiral is sending us to the Patrick Henry to test an F-14 – apparently there was a malfunction in one and…'

'No, no way Harm.'

'He assigned you Meg!' Harm said as she went to open the door.

'Harm…'

'I won't let anything happen. We won't crash. If there is a problem, we'll eject. Weather conditions are fine…'

'Now they are. In a few hours…' She was silenced by Harm's kiss.

'I'll be up there with you,' Meg told him, at the same time she mentally kicked herself. He always knew how to get her to do anything. She was petrified of flying – ever since 9/11. He'd had to keep her calm when they went to Cuba while Palmer was stalking her.

'Why do I let him do that to me?' She said to herself as she dressed in her khakis, as ordered by the Admiral.

'I cannot believe I let him get me into this!' Meg admonished herself. She heard Harm at her door. Struggling with her bars she got there, her shirt buttoned all wrong. Harm laughed as he came in and took her bars from her and put them on then fixed her shirt up.

'Hey no-one said you could laugh,' Meg swatted him.

'We'd better get going,'

'No breakfast?'

'We'll pick something up on the way.'

Meg sat in the back seat of the Tomcat shaking. It had been several years since Harm had taken her up in one, and she'd hated it then, but this time was different. This time she was scared. As Harm got in he saw her pale instantly.

'I'll bring you back safely. Now taking off from a carrier isn't the same as taking off of a runway on land. You sure you're okay?'

Meg nodded. She was about to throw up.

'Just do whatever I tell you Meg,' Harm said to her.

'Okay…' Meg replied as she squeezed her eyes shut.

'Don't close your eyes.' Harm told her as they took off. The impact threw Meg's stomach and she threw up.

'Suck it up Lieutenant!'

Meg covered her mouth with the oxygen mask quickly. She was panicking as Harm flew like he always did, making her incredibly nervous as a memory flashed in her mind

_Another F-14 pilot, just as reckless, if not more so than Harm hauled her into the skies. _

'_Commander, please, I don't fly.' Meg begged the pilot._

'_Lieutenant Austin, just be quiet.' Commander Faulkner said harshly. She was the top female naval aviator and would risk anyone and anything to fly – sort of like Harm._

'_Please you don't understand!' Meg replied as Faulkner rolled the plane, making Meg dizzy. _

'_Lieutenant, do as I say and punch out. The engines are failing!'_

'Harm!' Meg shrieked as the plane jolted.

'Meg, its okay, its just the wind, we're turning back now.' Harm's voice was calming as Meg broke out into a panicked sweat.

'Don't let me die out here Rabb!'

'Never Lieutenant, I owe my life to you – remember the time you saved me?'

Meg nodded. It had been the first year she worked with Harm.

'What you think I'm stupid?' Meg retorted shakily. She could just see them nearing the Patrick Henry and her breath caught in her chest.

'Meg use the damned oxygen mask – you're not breathing properly!' Harm yelled at her impatiently as he heard her breathing getting more strained through her fear. She grabbed it and held it over her mouth, still pale and sweating. As they landed she let the tears of relief flow – she was safe. Harm helped her down, his arms around her as they made their way back to Captain Frankel.

'Everything okay?' He asked when he saw Meg doubled over, breathing heavily.

'She'll be okay once I get her to her stateroom. Captain, it seems that the F-14 you lost a few days ago had an individual malfunction, from what was described – it didn't seem generalised enough for the whole lot. Now I'd better get Lieutenant Austin to her stateroom before she collapses.'

Frankel looked at Meg with concern.

'You don't like to fly Lieutenant?'

'No sir,' Meg's voice was shaking and her face was still pale.

'Come on, you're going to lie down and you are not telling Mac about this because she'll floor me for getting you into this mess,'

'Its not entirely your fault,' Meg managed to say as he helped her get out the flight suit and she dressed in the spare pajamas she'd brought, knowing they'd be here for a few days. She lay down and Harm pulled the chair by the table to her side as she pulled the covers over herself.

'Meg…'

'Since…since 9/11 I've been afraid of flying.'

'I know, I remember Cuba.'

'Today made it worse because….' Meg was asleep before she could tell him why she had almost let him down today. Harm left her alone and went to write up a report on their flight and continue the investigation.

Meg woke up later as someone knocked on the door of her stateroom. She opened it groggily.

'Lieutenant Austin, why are you not helping Commander Rabb?' a cold female voice asked her.

'Because I am recovering from flying with him ma'am.'

Commander Krennick suppressed a laugh.

'He got you in a Tomcat?' she asked as Meg let her in.

'Yes ma'am.'

'Lieutenant, do you have any idea who I am?'

'No ma'am.' Yet another person from her life had been erased.

'Let me refresh your memory. I seem to recall you and other junior members calling me the "Dragon Lady."'

Meg caught herself on the chair.

'Commander Krennick!'

'Don't worry Meg, I heard about what happened. I'm acting JAG here, came to see how your investigation was going,'

'Harm will be back soon ma'am.'

'Thank you Lieutenant. I assume you're feeling…'

'Still a little dazed from the flight ma'am.' Meg sat down, her head on the table.

'Wow, he really did fly recklessly.'

'Are you two talking about me again?' Harm joked, coming through. 'Lieutenant, why aren't you in bed resting? We're flying again…'

'Oh no I'm not, sir' Meg replied.

'Rabb, if she's still recovering from your reckless flying, one would think taking her up again is not a good idea.'

Meg smiled weakly at Krennick. 'Harm, I don't want to. It's something personal and I don't want to talk about it!'

'Meg,' Harm started.

'No, Harm, get your damn RIO to fly with you.' Meg yelled at him. Krennick stood between them.

'Rabb, let's leave Lieutenant Austin alone.'

Harm looked at Meg, who looked as though she wanted to throw a pillow at him again.

'Okay, I'm going, fine. Meg, get some sleep, because the only way…hey!' a pillow had hit him in the stomach. He put it on the bed and left, Commander Krennick trying not to laugh as Meg lay back down, glaring angrily at Harm as he left.

'Meg, come on! It wasn't that bad!' Harm said as he chased after her at JAG HQ a week later.

'Not that bad, Harm? You fly so recklessly it's a wonder I'm still alive.' Meg pushed by him and into her office. Mac came up to Harm, her arms folded.

'What did you do to her?'

'What? I didn't…'

'You took her flying, against her wishes!' Mac scolded him. 'You know how she is with flying these days, Harm.'

'I know…she had no choice – we had to test fly a few Tomcats.'

'And you couldn't take your RIO? Harm, you scared her, you…'

'I know, I know. She already had a go at me in the COD on the way back.' Harm said and stormed off to the Admiral to report in about the case.

'Rabb, I thought I told you to keep Lieutenant Austin out of the air as much as possible.' AJ yelled at him, Meg cowering in the corner. Harm looked over to her, mixed emotions clouding his judgement.

'Sir, if I took anyone else up, the case might have been biased towards F-14 pilots, taking Lieutenant Austin up reduced that risk,' Harm said. Well, it was sort of the truth.

'Oh cut the bull Harm, you know you just wanted to cure me of flying.'

'Why the hell were you so jumpy afterwards Meg?'

'That is none of your damn business Rabb!'

AJ intervened. 'How long have you two been arguing?'

'Since the day we met,' Meg replied.

'I thought you two…'

'Until he took me in the Tomcat,' Meg replied icily.

'And why was that a problem? It wasn't the first time,'

'No, it was minor then sir, it was different this time,' Meg's tone softened and her voice shook slightly.

'How so?' AJ asked. Meg looked down, away from AJ's sympathetic stare and Harm's "Get-on-with-it" stare.

'Because I had another flash-back…same type of case…I was flying with my partner, Commander Faulkner...she was as bad as Harm, as reckless is what I mean…it was awful…the plane started barrelling down, and I ejected…landed on the flight deck hard then fell into the ocean…it took them seven hours to find me. Commander Faulkner died when the plane's engines blew up.' Meg explained. She felt Harm near her.

'Meg…'

'I tried to tell you, I passed out before I could.' Meg replied. Harm's expression changed.

'If I had known…why didn't you say something before we went up?'

Meg shrugged. 'Partly because you wouldn't hear me out and partly because you gave me an order and I had to follow it.'

Harm rolled his eyes. 'You're too submissive sometimes,'

AJ intervened before the yelling could commence. 'Dismissed Lieutenant, Commander.'

'Aye, aye sir.'

Meg's hands flew across the keyboard later that day as she worked on finding some information for Turner. He came in with their coffee. He had softened towards her slightly, and to everyone's surprise, begun to respect her. It seemed the chip on his shoulder was disappearing.

'How is it going Lieutenant?' he asked her cautiously, afraid of the response he'd get.

'It's harder than I thought sir,'

'Oh?'

'It's not like I can't find information or crack weapons system codes to save a cruise ship…just…I'm a little rusty and what we need is rather difficult to locate.'

Turner laughed gently. 'I know the feeling Lieutenant.'

Meg smiled shyly. He had never been too nice before, this was a first.

'Let me have a go, you have a break.'

Meg pushed the laptop and took her mug. 'Thank you…I've been staring at the screen all morning, my head hurts.' She rummaged in her drawer for some pain killers. She took them and leant back in the chair, her eyes closed for a moment.

'Any luck sir?'

'Not yet Lieutenant, are you okay?'

'Yes sir, once this headache is gone I will be,'

'Sleeping on the job Lieutenant?' Commander Lindsey asked from the door as Meg sat up properly.

'No sir. Killing on the job Commander?'

'You and I both know that was a mistake. If you tell anyone…'

Meg bit her lip. Commander Turner still intimidated her sometimes but not as much anymore. Turner stopped typing.

'Is there a problem?'

'No, Commander Lindsey was just leaving,' Meg said as she went to the door. Lindsey pulled her out.

'Listen, Lieutenant, I did not mean to kill Lieutenant Singer.'

'Funny, I thought you were in jail,'

'My wife loves me too much – she paid bail.'

'Really? I never knew you could pay bail for a murderer.'

'Oh don't tell me Rabb and MacKenzie wouldn't do the same for you?'

Harm came up.

'Be careful Lindsey, she has good aim with a cover,' he joked. Lindsey glared at her.

'Office joke sir - a concept you wouldn't understand.'

Lindsey snarled at walked away. He was defeated by them again. Harm put his hand on Meg's shoulder.

'You okay?'

'Of course, I'd better get back to work,'

'Hey, next time, you tell me right away,'

'Harm, do me a favour.'

'Anything,'

'I love that you care about me but…there are times when I can hold my own…'

'So you're saying lay off unless necessary?'

'Yeah,'

'Of course,' Harm said as she went back into her office.

OK I know in this part I had Meg a little panicky and stuff, but keep in mind she's recovering from seeing the plane her mother and brother were on fly into a building, and she's not yet fully recovered physically and emotionally either; she's a little weak here, but in my other fics she is generally strong, like Past to Present


End file.
